One of the best tools is self-compassion. I want (The easiest way) to be my best self. I ask myself big questions from time to time. I also get angry about little things. For myself, I try to use my negative feelings in a positive. Like the gym.
Self compassion is a better way. I accept how I feel and deal with things the best I can.
Generally Self Compassion is not my first thought. Taking it easy on myself does not come natural. The things going on my head sometimes can at times be awful! I would never let anyone talk to me the way I talk to myself!
I have a military personality, it never quite wore off over the years. Sometimes I know I need a kick in the ass. Usually I kick my own ass. I am most hard on myself when I fall short of my own expectations.
Being tough, Sometimes is a good skill to have. I get my ass to the gym. Or, I get my ass to a meeting. Or therapy session or I get involved in fellowship. But sometimes I am sad or a bit low. Then sometimes I am pretty useless to the world.
I am unable to take action in a extreme sad state. Up starts in my mind, justifications for my inaction. I explain to myself “in my own head” of of habit, why I am a terd! Bro, why am I less then?? I am basically beating the crap out of myself. When this happens, it can be a terrible experience.
Above I essentially describe a bad pattern. I describe unhealthy learned behavior. One of the most profound and easiest things to do in recovery is to realize what your patterns of behavior are. The same things or patterns in life will continue to happen even after you get sober. Sometimes it is hard to see given self imposed bullshit. But it is our choice to change behavior for the better or worse.
Behavior change does not happen overnight. Dude, gotta be honest. Identify the thing we think or do that does not serve us anymore. After we identify, comes the real challenge. Changing…
The change is what hurts. A change in life involves pain in order to grow. At 34 I find it difficult to question my very identity after 4 years of sobriety. Part of me says, “I got life handled, things are good, no need to grow!”
How good is good enough? This is a big question, Ill leave it up to the reader.
I realize now that I can be an asshole in sobriety. Awareness, does not make me a nice dude! I can’t afford to say to myself, “this is just who I am!” If I do not grow, I go! I go where? Back out there into the world of hustle and BS. Back into my addiction and who knows how many more addictions.
I probably will not make it back next time, I will probably die.
There is another way. I can learn; I accept that some days the best thing that I can do is not drink. I may fall short of motivation and goals for a day. This means I watch hours of TV or play video games like a addict. I have a day or two like that.
Anger must not serve as my only tool for motivation in sobriety! If negative feelings motivate me to stay sober, in the end, ill relapse. If my life is not leaps and bounds better in sobriety… Why am I sober? Why not get good and drunk?
Life is better today than any day I was in my addicted. One tool I totally recommend is Self-Compassion. I act something like this….
I have lists of goals. 99% of my goals may work out if 1% of things do not work out. I will tell myself, “that is okay, take it easy.” I will remind myself, “some things are more then I can ever handle.” “That is okay.” Kind of like a baby.
While I am “Being Nice” to myself, generally I am still beating myself up at the same time. Give it time, the positive voice gets louder and louder. In sobriety be intentional with yourself. At 4 years, I still am.
Understand that you are sober now! Calling yourself insulting names is not helping what you do and who you are today.
Self-Compassion means eventually I want to stand on my own two feet without having to put forth so much effort. I want to be sober in a natural way. Someday I want to be okay falling short in life, just a little. I still want to have a good day or week despite my short comings in this moment.
Today, “I may not be strong enough to handle it.” It is okay, I will take a breath, or a walk. I will come back to the present moment shortly. I will remain focused as I have been. It is okay to also ask for help.
If anything I did not drink or use today. I love that saying. Also, I have a list of accomplishments that I can see every day if I choose to look at them. If I need to, I remind myself of everything I have done this far in sobriety this far.
What I have fallen short on.. This feels so small because where I am today is so huge. Where I am today in this moment is the only thing I have. I can Love myself. I do not need any validation or approval. All this is possible in recovery.
Surprise yourself in spite of yourself.
This type of stuff is my recovery. How do you personalize your recovery? Also, please follow me on Twitter. Link: to my most popular blog on how I got 3 DUI’s when I hit bottom. Thanks for being a part of my community. Keep your head up. Try Self-Compassion.