Brandon and Alex at Yosemite
The firewood we got burned in spite of the rain.
I finely got to Yosemite with Alex (my son). This is the last official leg of my huge summer trip. Tomorrow my boy and I will bike the Yosemite valley bike path.
I am calculating the total number of US States we traveled to these last 2 months. I need a map! June I picked Alex up in North Carolina. I purchased my mustang in PA. From there we visited family in Michigan. I took Highway 80 from the east coast to the other side (San Francisco.)
I counted on google maps 20 states. It may be more because of all the little states near DC. Impossible to keep track of everything i did with my boy these last 2 months.
Its all thanks to his dad not picking up a drink these last 4 years. This has been the trip of my life. And my sons. Alex has it way too good. I overcompensate, I regret the time I lost with my son.
I have not felt this free in a long time. Must always remind myself that it is “but for the grace of god.”.
I done a lot of drugs. When they stopped working I mixed them together. I was a real animal when I was 28.
Age 34 sees me sober. Sitting in Yosemite near a warm fire. My boy asleep in the tent. 2 mountain bikes parked next to my mustang.
I started being a father again when my son was about 7. I started to worry, maybe I’ll mess him up with my personal BS? Maybe..
Not being a father when Alex was 3 to 6 sure created issues to overcome.
Im admitting, ” real dads try!”
Regardless of the pain and bullshit life hands you. Real dads show up. We get over that shit. I got over it.
I just did the next right thing for myself. My son, the most important person in my family. I still have influence. I can’t tell my mom or dad anything. Alex and I have deep convention, we talk about real shit.
For example, I asked Alex.. “Hey, what do you think about your dad being a dirt ball for years? Now, this year I’m freaking father of the year!”. He is like, its cool.
I made amends to him. When he was 9, I wrote out a ninth step and told it to him toward the end of a trip, before he flew back home. Well I sobbed like a baby. He told me he forgave me.
Shit was weird. Now its good.
There are little things he does. Little attitude adjustments I have to daddy up for.
Its so foolish that I sound like I’m taking credit for these things. My idea of God has changed in sobriety. Its truely amazing what God does.
Lol I know I said God a whole bunch. Probably too much for comfort.
Alex and his Dad really connected over summer 2017. He knows his dad is Crazy. But his dad knows Alex is a goofy spoiled boy.
What I am saying is that ” while having fun”, I often call Alex out on his character defects. These days I admit my own character defects to my 10 year old son. Thank God.
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