I have come to believe that the worst parts of me are incognito. Some of the worst parts of who I am convince myself that they are indeed myself.
I do not want to get into the Ed Id and Ego. That is so technical.
Let me just call them demons or monkeys on my back. Whatever you want to call the things that keep you from living in the full light of life?
Lol, I am actually not quite a hipster anymore. Or a hippie for that matter. I am Christian but I do not go around telling everyone what God says!
Hey if anyone tells you what God says…. They are probably selling something!
I’ll put it like this. My Roommate always is curious about alien life. He watches these stupid documentaries about white trash on NetFlix. Sometimes he asks, “what about life on other worlds, what do you think bro?”
I think that this is really stupid to ask. The aliens probably fly by and say, “look at that planet, we call it the fishbowl!” The question of alien life shows a genuine lack of fulfillment. Like this planet is not big enough for me or you….
People feel apart from… Folks want something bigger.. This charade that we call life… You ever notice the types of folks that get find alien contact. They are usually from Arizona or New Mexico.
Hey I am from Michigan, the land of 1000 red necks! I consider Arizona to be the red neck capital of the west! These people are so board, that they become self-important. This is just stupid. I guess what I am getting at is.
I believe in a higher power.
I did not mean to upset several groups of people. I am in recovery. I am going through a dramatic change. At age 34, I want to live up to my own expectations of myself. I mean realistic expectations of myself.
What I am saying is that, I do not believe that I have it all together! Maybe it was the years of drugs. Or the self-pity in early recovery. Maybe the military showed me how to be angry for all the right reasons.
I know one thing. The mess is so crazy inside my head that, I require God to sort it out. I need my higher power to define me. If that were to come true, well that would be nothing short of God saving a soul.
I need to be a better person. Not for my family. Not so I can make lots of money. Not so I can die with pride. I need to be a better person so I can be closer to my higher power. Call it whatever you want!
Whatever I became in life today. It was never what I imagined. I am somewhere in-between my version of honesty, and, the man that God wants me to be.
No matter what. I am not on here trying to convince you that alien’s fucked up my head! I actually own that. Every bit of this craziness in my head, its my doing.
Soon I am going to be Sad. Soon I start the 12 steps of GA. Soon I stop my meds. Soon my son goes back to his mothers house. Soon I will be alone. Soon I will feel sad about that.
I think that if I somehow manage that.. Well.. God is bigger than my problems. God is sure as hell bigger than aliens.
And no, God did not tell me this. I am not selling anything. Not today anyways…
I almost called this God VS. The Aliens. Just for attention. Then I realized.. If Aliens are, God made them, so he is not against them.