My sponsor has been trying to get me Hopeful for some time. Without a doubt I have been in a judgmental space… All this build up of tension and pain. It is a process.
Just knowing your own nature is not enough for a addict. Getting to a place where you are comfortable surrendering is important. This is how I view the process. What I am talking about is steps 1 and 2.
Hope is necessary for recovery to start. You gotta have a vision. One must see the light at the end of the tunnel and all that… But in order to get there you have to surrender. I recently got my 30 day chip in Gamblers Anonymous.
I am quite proud to be working the steps again. This 2nd time around is probably way overdue. This process has led me to hope again.
It is funny how stubborn pain makes us all forget about hope. My own ideas and thoughts; I had to once again learn to slowly let go. I can safely and confidently say that my higher power has more planned for me than I could ever dream.
Recovery and things in life will not go the way I plan. I will encounter pain along the way. How I respond to this shows character. If I have truly surrendered to this Higher power that I call God. Hope will than begin to sine through in my own life. I only know hope if I surrender. I only know because I have let go.
I have gratitude for Hope. I know this in spite of myself. Myself.. Myself I surrender.
My dreams and ideas were never that helpful to my fellows with gambling addiction or other addictions. Therefor I pray that I am a instrument of Gods will.
My dreams are clearly forfeit. I can admit to greater forces being at work in the world. I pray that my life be put toward something greater… Hope is much stronger then self-will after I let go.