My own thoughts often scare me. However, my thoughts do not surprise me anymore.
Fear is suspect in most forms of addiction. Fear is why I run. Fear is why I want to escape.
I do not think that I live in fear. I do think I experience fear from time to time.
Living in fear leads too; a total lack of life filling satisfaction. Now I may get board or impatient.. I may push people away.. But I do find satisfaction in life.
Often times I fill my day with tasks and sometimes I accomplish them all in proper order. I stay busy. Being effective in life gives me temporary satisfaction. This is my first point.
I reach a point where I realize that if I did or had everything that I wanted in life, I would be left without satisfaction.
So I reach out toward others with intention. Through this I notice something… I can help someone. Or someone can help me. I do think that both of these things serves as a distraction to my first point. What I mean is, having a friend or family member is a nice distraction to the truth that is. I will never be satisfied on just my own terms.
If you think about it, most satisfaction comes from something you happen to just notice. a surprise… Some overwhelming joy that was not planned..
Clearly this is a argument for God.
The idea here being.. If you want to experience God. You have got to get little bit of God inside yourself.
In my experience this means I have to have less of me… When engaging in addictive behavior, I become used to having more of what I want. More of me…
The idea of God clearly must be something like the opposite.
Less of me and more of him. Now I am a Christian! But I am miles away from the idea of Jesus Christ. If I was going down that road I would of clearly said something like.. Your works are dead.. You must pick up your cross.. Ect.. Ect..
I did not say that..
I only suggested that if you want to be closer to God, there is a way. Or, if you want to have what recovery calls a spiritual experience, there is a way. Well than, choose your God!
Grace is a real thing.. For myself, it is like a 2nd wind in this marathon that we call life. Satisfaction that comes from God acting though me.
I become a type of conduit for God. This does not mean sit back and relax. Life requires using the gifts you have!
From this point I am what I call a “Okay person…” I remain willing. I remain teachable. These truths lead to satisfaction.. This I could not do on my own. On my own I am a difficult person!
Surrender has brought me to believe..