My own thoughts often scare me.  However, my thoughts do not surprise me anymore.

Fear is suspect in most forms of addiction.  Fear is why I run.  Fear is why I want to escape.

I do not think that I live in fear.  I do think I experience fear from time to time.

Living in fear leads too; a total lack of life filling satisfaction.  Now I may get board or impatient..  I may push people away..  But I do find satisfaction in life.

Often times I fill my day with tasks and sometimes I accomplish them all in proper order.  I stay busy.  Being effective in life gives me temporary satisfaction.  This is my first point.

I reach a point where I realize that if I did or had everything that I wanted in life, I would be left without satisfaction.

So I reach out toward others with intention.  Through this I notice something…  I can help someone.  Or someone can help me.  I do think that both of these things serves as a distraction to my first point.  What I mean is, having a friend or family member is a nice distraction to the truth that is.  I will never be satisfied on just my own terms.

If you think about it,  most satisfaction comes from something you happen to just notice.  a surprise…  Some overwhelming joy that was not planned..

Clearly this is a argument for God.

The idea here being..  If you want to experience God.  You have got to get little bit of God inside yourself.

In my experience this means I have to have less of me…  When engaging in addictive behavior, I become used to having more of what I want.  More of me…

The idea of God clearly must be something like the opposite.

Less of me and more of him.  Now I am a Christian!  But I am miles away from the idea of Jesus Christ.  If I was going down that road I would of clearly said something like..  Your works are dead..  You must pick up your cross..  Ect.. Ect..

I did not say that..

I only suggested that if you want to be closer to God, there is a way.  Or, if you want to have what recovery calls a spiritual experience, there is a way.  Well than, choose your God!

Grace is a real thing..  For myself, it is like a 2nd wind in this marathon that we call life.  Satisfaction that comes from God acting though me.

I become a type of conduit for God.  This does not mean sit back and relax.  Life requires using the gifts you have!

From this point I am what I call a “Okay person…”  I remain willing.  I remain teachable.  These truths lead to satisfaction..  This I could not do on my own.  On my own I am a difficult person!

Surrender has brought me to believe..