If I had a Heart I would speak from it

I think that lately I have not felt like I have had much worth saying.

Perhaps the exact opposite is true.


I am sitting here in Lompoc CA.  And yes, white people are the minority here in little Mexico.

Besides that I think everything in my life may actually work out.  I have hope.  I think that is more then most addicts.  I sometimes forget, that I have made this life with the help of God.

I am dating a little Asian girl who takes cute to the extreme.  She is also a eye doctor, not kidding..  How strange is that.

I did just graduate college with a business management degree (4 year).  University of Nevada, Reno is amazing.  Missing Samuel Jones..



I worked through a 4th step in the GA program last month.  GA is gamblers anonymous.    I miss GA in Reno Nevada, that was the best recovery meeting.  For me..

I hate the feelings of Guilt and Shame.  I have been very board looking for a job online as of late.  I get in these crappy moods sometimes.

I do go to meetings sometimes, like 3 times a week.  My gym routine tho!  My gym work is amazing now.  For my age, i’m 34..

No, my prayer life is not as amazing as it was last month.  I feel lonely more often, as a result.

I want to have family again, whatever the cost.  I miss my son, I wish I would call more.  I think the courage of a father is subtle..  That is BS, I could be a better Dad.

Obviously, I must be struggling with feelings.  Everything is going so fast..  It seems like life is going fast..

Okay, here goes..  I regret…  I get angry..  I get happy.. I get grateful..  I freaking miss my cat, and I feel like a baby because of it!  Death is one of those things..  Whatever that means.

I guess i will never understand death.  Death most have something to do with why I don’t try to hold onto things…

I am okay..  But I think that this fact is the strange thing…   for the person with a addictive personality.

I guess I will just keep applying to jobs.  Some tell me I am overqualified..  haha.  What will I do from here?  I must never forget that what matters is now..  What matters is now.

Thanks Friends.

Sam and Jen I did not get your permission to put you in a recovery blog..  Sue me, for what?!  I will put effort into posting recovery based stuff at least once a month.


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