Dream Vacation

Brandon and Alex at Yosemite
The firewood we got burned in spite of the rain.

I finely got to Yosemite with Alex (my son). This is the last official leg of my huge summer trip. Tomorrow my boy and I will bike the Yosemite valley bike path. 

I am calculating the total number of US States we traveled to these last 2 months. I need a map!  June I picked Alex up in North Carolina.  I purchased my mustang in PA.  From there we visited family in Michigan.  I took Highway 80 from the east coast to the other side (San Francisco.) 

I counted on google maps 20 states. It may be more because of all the little states near DC.  Impossible to keep track of everything i did with my boy these last 2 months. 

Its all thanks to his dad not picking up a drink these last 4 years. This has been the trip of my life. And my sons. Alex has it way too good.  I overcompensate, I regret the time I lost with my son. 

I have not felt this free in a long time. Must always remind myself that it is “but for the grace of god.”. 

I done a lot of drugs. When they stopped working I mixed them together. I was a real animal when I was 28. 

Age 34 sees me sober.  Sitting in Yosemite near a warm fire. My boy asleep in the tent. 2 mountain bikes parked next to my mustang.  


Well, there is no high like living the dream.  My dream, I’m sure I drempt of being a cool dad!   I know Alex Loves the whole experience. He is totally spoiled. 

I started being a father again when my son was about 7.  I started to worry, maybe I’ll mess him up with my personal BS?  Maybe..  

Not being a father when Alex was 3 to 6 sure created issues to overcome. 

Im admitting, ” real dads try!”

Regardless of the pain and bullshit life hands you. Real dads show up.  We get over that shit. I got over it.  

I just did the next right thing for myself. My son, the most important person in my family. I still have influence.  I can’t tell my mom or dad anything. Alex and I have deep convention, we talk about real shit.  

For example, I asked Alex..  “Hey, what do you think about your dad being a dirt ball for years?  Now, this year I’m freaking father of the year!”.  He is like, its cool.  

I made amends to him. When he was 9, I wrote out a ninth step and told it to him toward the end of a trip, before he flew back home.  Well I sobbed like a baby. He told me he forgave me.  

Shit was weird.  Now its good.

There are little things he does. Little attitude adjustments I have to daddy up for. 

Its so foolish that I sound like I’m taking credit for these things. My idea of God has changed in sobriety. Its truely amazing what God does.  

Lol I know I said God a whole bunch. Probably too much for comfort.

Alex and his Dad really connected over summer 2017.  He knows his dad is Crazy.  But his dad knows Alex is a goofy spoiled boy.  

What I am saying is that ” while having fun”, I often call Alex out on his character defects. These days I admit my own character defects to my 10 year old son. Thank God.  

Like this, please follow me on twitter.  Link up with me on Facebook.  If your in recovery and u blog, I’d love to connect on WordPress.  

Like share and comment. Thanks for reading.  BP

Sober Chick Dad

One of the best things about being sober today, all the extra things I get to do with loved ones.  This year is my 4th year sobriety and I am grateful that I am able to spend so much time with my 10 year old boy (Alex).

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SF

Lol, sometimes I feel like that stereotype everyone sees.  The girl who gets her shit together and says stuff like, “My kids are my world!”  I used to always make fun of that girl.  But I am totally that girl (in guy form).  Haha

Alex and I got to travel all across the US this summer.  We were able to tour Washington DC, New York and then the Midwest.  The Midwest I lump together because, well, you ought to lump it together.  It is all the same stuff for miles and miles.  For example I seen the best thing in Wyoming, The Lincoln memorial rest stop!

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Lincoln Memorial rest stop

I live in Reno, and Reno does totally suck.  But one of the best things about Reno is everything around it.  All the camping I get to do with Alex here!  I recently bought a couple bikes and I have kept them on the back of my car for the last 3 weeks.  Everywhere I go I bring them.  Besides just camp ground biking, my son and I were able to bike the city’s San Francisco and Reno.

One of the fun things is consistently yelling at him to keep going.  I get flashbacks to my military side, and with that I get to push my boy harder.  For example, we biked 18 miles in San Francisco together, and he is only 10 years old.

I know, some people would say that this is too much.  Now that his dad has checked back into life and decided to become accountable.  For better or worse, this is how I parent.  If you ask me my Son has it better than almost anyone his age.

Thank you for reading, Friend me on Facebook.  Follow me on twitter.  Check out my blog homepage!  Got anything you want to share about life with your kids now that you’re sober.  Feel free to comment.

I’m about to go camping this weekend in Yosemite.  Catch ya later, B.

Sober, what now? (about bias)

Yesterday I was in a sour mood, I took about 45 minutes to type a blog on how I feel out of place at young people’s meetings (Probably because I am older).  Unfortunately I got 107 views, my most popular blog to date.  Shame shame shame!

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I was about proving a point to myself last blog.  As a side note I also wrote about self-compassion (see link) on July 30th it got 9 views.  I thought it was super positive, all about accepting yourself as you change in recovery.

This got me thinking.  Something that was really good for my recovery gets overlooked.  However, something that stirs the pot is a rage?  The facts trouble me!  But however distasteful they do have truth.

When you’re drinking or using, we do something that sorts for whatever we want out of life.  Whatever we wanted (Drugs) we found.  This is what is known as bias.  For me in my 20’s that was mushroom’s (see pic).

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The same is true when you’re sober.  Whatever you want out of your sobriety you find.

I have dug around and found some great bloggers on the internet.  People expressing struggles with all kinds of addictions.  I have linked and commented on blogs that talk about real recovery.  This is great for my sobriety!

Good material about what works is on the Web if you give a shit…  Just saying.

What I said before about sober people age’s 20-30 was totally distasteful (as one person put it).  Someday, I will do some bashing of old timers, if it makes anyone feel better.

I have no bad blood or grudge toward anyone.  On the flip side, I am not at all sorry about anything I said.  Sometimes, I can really feel the way I expressed myself.  Hence, I’m a real alcoholic!

I am not the most spiritual person.  I never was.  But with the help of the 12 steps.  My higher power as I understand it.  A hell of a lot of personal counseling.  I now am more like the man my God wants me to be.

I am nothing (at 4 years) if not honest to a fault.  Yesterday I needed a topic to crank out about sobriety before midnight.  I thought, lets give this a try.

You have got to have thick skin in sobriety or some asshole with a WIFI connection will hurt you.  Really, someone is going to hurt your feelings in sobriety eventually.  It is bound to happen sooner or later.

Your sober, now what?  Or a better question is; what are you now responsible for?

3 people, yourself, your sponsor and your sponcee (if you got one).  I emphasize, yourself, yourself and YOURSELF!  ME, first and always.  I am selfish, the most important person in my recovery is ME!

All that crap I said (and it was a crappy blog), it was for myself.  If your new and reading this, my advice is, “treat anything that comes out of your mouth, as for you.”  Whatever you say, WHATEVER is for you (no one else).  With that said, that is me helping you.

Really that is me helping you the only way I know how.  That is just how I work (my character defects).

Whatever works for you has got to actually work for you.  No one, myself included should be capable of hurting what you have in sobriety!  If I can hurt you, please, DO NOT pay attention to me.

Develop a bias that sorts for the shit that helps you out!  Not one that sorts for crap like what was in my last blog.  And if I hurt you, talk to someone who cares for you.

Going forward in blogs, I will talk about war stories (they are most popular).  I will also talk about what works and does not work for me.

This will be the last time I personally back link to another forum other than my own personal media (My FB, Twitter, Linkedin, ect).  Although I did make some cool new friends who seemed to like the traffic! 😉  Thanks for the support buds.

I realized, I want my blog to get hits based on its own popularity.  Even if I did get people from 5 countries looking at what I type (Shout out to Germany, United Kingdom and Netherlands).

I learned I do not want National Enquirer attention.  I gotta be 2 legit 2 quit.  Going forward, I will be less sensational.  Keeping it real, not being dramatic, a tool, or  sensational is hard….  Just saying.

You’re sober now, so what? Or rather, who cares.  You should care, about whatever works for you.  But if you like what I say, feel free to back link and share across your own media.  Friend me on Facebook, also follow me on twitter @kingpausa.  Thanks all.

If your sober and interested in blogging set up account at wordpress.com.  Want to comment directly on my blog do so at my WordPress Link.

Pic Cred 1.  Pic Cred 2.

Young People’s Meetings upset me!

I know love and tolerance are something something something…  Right!

But this is my blog and….   Young people in sobriety upset me.  They have all this LOVE, They are soo HAPPY about life..  They are so annoying!

They are all saying..  I got like 2 months sober and life is soooooooo.  I am 20-something and I am never going back to make mistakes because LIFE is SOOOO BLAHH.  People around me are so supportive!  I love Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah..

SS weed

Why is sobriety supposed to be fun You Sesame Street Gangsta’s?  Who gave these young kids all these crazy ideas?  And why do they vape so much?
SS smoke

I blame young sponsors first.  2nd I blame the young people themselves for buying the hype.  And it really is the sponsors fault for encouraging this BS behavior.  They are encouraging a behavior of (Step 1 2 3 and out)

The old 3 step!

You know what me sponsor tells me??

“I do not base life on my thoughts or feelings because I am not judged on my thoughts or feelings.  We are all judged on our actions.”

If you look at young people in recovery, at least in Reno.  They act like they are all being judged on their feelings.

They will be all happy and having a good time talking about some bullshit that no one cares about.  Laughing at how foolish they themselves act.  Making clubs and clicks ect ect…

Sure that is great, FEELINGS!  I want to know where is the substance in all this?

It is like there is some unspoken agreement.   Young drunk assholes and AA agreed along time ago.  (If we can keep the new comer laughing then maybe they will not pay attention to all the work that goes into staying sober!)  They will last one more day.  Yay sobriety!

Sure, on the opposite end of things is the old timer with 50 years who thinks he knows about everything in recovery.  I also think that this guy is a asshole.  But I do have more patience for this person then the young person.

I tolerate and actually love the old timer more then the young newcomer.

At least you know the old timer just wants to be right about something!

Just listen to a old timer for 5 mins and say the words “your right!”  They will smile and be happy.

Young people, you don’t have a clue what they want?  Do they want to take you out to lunch?  Do they want a free meal out of you, or do they want to fuck you??

Maybe its all the same to them as long as they do not drink…..  And that’s the deal?

I know I am middle aged at 34.  I can just stay out of young peoples meetings…  Sure, I do.

I stay out for all the reasons above.  I generally get upset at myself for being judgmental about things so small.  I get worked up about these things.  Quite foolish really.

I know, this is a lack of love and tolerance.  Lots and Lots….

I think it is time for me to change my home group to another group.

So if you like this please share via twitter remember to use @Kingpausa.  Check out my most popular blog about my 3 DUI’s .  Also feel free to comment below.  Thanks for taking time for my rant and raving!

Oh, Photo Cred 1, photo cred 2, photo cred 3.

Thanks B